Funny Things My Friends and Family Say – Part 1

This will turn into a series of quotes my friends and family have said to me.  I’ll keep the quotes anonymous, but if any of the people I’ve quoted are reading this – you know who you are!

Just to clarify: the people who have said these things are some of the nicest and most accepting people I know.  They are not racist, sexist, homophobic etc. – they just perhaps don’t think before speaking sometimes (something we’re all guilty of – or at least I am!).

“If a gay man propositions a straight man, the straight man has to accept to avoid being politically incorrect.”

Following explanation of another friend describing themselves as wasian (a white asian): “So if I was to go to India and get a bit of a tan, would that make me wasian?”

Whilst playing Articulate:
Them: “It’s a bird…”
Me: *insert bird related guesses*
Them: “It’s tall and stands on one leg”
Me: “A heron?”
Them: “Oh…”
*time’s up*
Me: “What was it?”
Them (looking a little sheepish): “Herring.  So what’s a herring?”

“I wonder if it’s hot.  Let’s try it and see if it burns me.”

“I’m looking at getting a gardener for my two window boxes.”

*trying to look at popping candy on tongue*  “Oowww…  I got popping candy in my eye.”

“Buying from The White Company is a life-style choice.”

Me: “How are you going to get here?  You don’t drive.”
Them: “I’ll steal a cow and ride it to you.”
Me (worried they might actually do that, as they keep talking about freeing farm animals): “You might want to use the word liberate rather than steal when you end up in Court.”

“What’s a flowerbed?” (said by a town planner)

“I shop at Marks and Spencer because I don’t have time to choose between different types of ketchup.” (said by someone who is not known for being especially busy)

Boyfriend (who rarely comments on my hair): “Your hair looks nice.  It’s all wavy.”
Me: “Err…I haven’t brushed it yet after my bath.  Those are knots not waves.”

“I thought the moon was a planet.”

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